


Kaleidoscope

by agirlnamedtruth



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Aftercare, Altered Mental States, Altered States, Cunnilingus, Drug Use, Drugged Sex, Emotional Sex, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, Finger Sucking, Fingerfucking, Grinding, Hallucinogens, Hand & Finger Kink, Intoxication, Masturbation, Mental Health Issues, Morning After, Morning Sex, Oral Sex, Overstimulation, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Psychotropic Drugs, Recreational Drug Use, Scissoring, Sex Toys, Stimulants, Therapy, Vaginal Fingering, Vibrators
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-07
Updated: 2016-06-07
Packaged: 2018-07-11 14:57:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7057132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agirlnamedtruth/pseuds/agirlnamedtruth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A constantly changing pattern or sequence of elements.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kaleidoscope

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FreshBrains](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FreshBrains/gifts).



> Written for round 28 at [Rounds Of Kink](http://rounds-of-kink.livejournal.com/).

Acquiring the chemical constituents of her customary high wasn't difficult for Margot. She had the money to buy anything she wanted, the name to back it up and if she needed a reason, who could argue with an equestrian of her standing keeping a ready supply of Ketamine. The difficult bit was how to keep it from Alana. She was a doctor for Christ's sake; she had taken all sorts of scary oaths to get her license. But then - whispered the slinky little voice in Margot’s head that said bad things, sounding disturbingly like Mason when it did - fucking your highest paying patient for way more than their hour long session was breaking rule one of being a doctor. 

Margot shook her head as she pulled the syringe from her arm, getting her lube and her vibrator ready as she waited for it to kick in. She dimmed the lights, candles were definitely a bad idea when you were off your face, and set the music lower, not wanting to over stimulate herself and get distracted from what she wanted to be feeling, which for a long time would be next to nothing at all.

When her room started to blur around the edges and the music started to sound far away, Margot slipped her dress off, sitting on the edge of her bed, panties pulled down around her knees, the vibrator on a low buzz against her clit.

Sighing, Margot finally let herself start to relax, the drugs in her system shutting down her continually ticking brain, dulling her senses, dulling everything, silencing even Mason.

Alana was starting to worry, she could feel it coming, the inevitable break up where she thought it was her fault Margot couldn't come when they sex. She'd never told anyone the truth before; she always let them think that. It was easier than telling them how fucked up she was and asking them to love her anyway. But Alana was different, she could that feel too. She understood. She already knew how round the fucking twist she was and that she wanted to kill her brother and burn this place to the ground. What was this to that? So, she needed to be high to come, she needed to disconnect from everything, from everything Mason did to her. Whatever. That was nothing to some of the crazy shit Alana heard for a living. So, why did the thought of telling her scare her so much? So, why was she sat here, clinging to the sheets, panting heavily, desperately trying to bang one out before Alana got here in the hope that she'd have enough chill left in her system to go again or at least be more convincing if she had to start faking it.

When her front door slammed, Margot’s eyes widened. She just about managed to uncurl her fingers from the vibrator, dropping it on the floor before she heard Alana’s voice distantly say something about her last patient cancelling on her.

“Fuck, fuck...” Margot muttered to herself, trying to sit up, trying to do anything but her body was still too numb from the drugs and barely responded. She just about managed to push herself up on her elbows as Alana pushed open her bedroom door, stopping mid-word and mid-step as she took in the sight of Margot sluggishly pulling up her panties. 

“What...” Alana looked down at the vibrator at her feet, stooping down to pick it up. “What on Earth have I just walked in on?”

“I can explain...” Margot said as quickly as the words could come out, her voice as slow and thick as treacle but nowhere near as sweet.

“Are you stoned?” Alana’s eyes found the syringe and widened. “Is that what I think it is?”

“No,” Margot said, waving her hand dismissively. “It’s just tranqs. I have to take them.”

“You _have_ to take them?” Alana asked skeptically as she walked over to the bottle, looking at the label. “I take it Dr Cecile Laine is a vet, not your family physician. These are horse tranquilizers, Margot, I’m not stupid.”

“So I need strong ones, does it matter?” Margot said, the drugs affecting her ability to think of a rational explanation. Not that there really was one. Alana was two hours early, if she’d been on time then the worse of it would have worn off and they could have had a nice dinner while Margot pretended to be normal for a while. But not anymore. Not now she knew. 

Alana put the bottle down and looked at her, panties barely up and barely keeping herself up too. This was it, Margot thought to herself. Here comes the break up. 

“I’d have thought cocaine, with your money,” she said but there wasn’t an edge of judgment to it. It was just a statement, like she’d thought she’d be a wholegrain person rather than white bread. 

“I don’t do it for the high,” Margot said pitifully, wrapping her arms around herself, knowing the truth would have to come out now if she didn’t want to lose her. “I do it because I don’t want to feel it when I... All I can ever feel is his hands on me, all the time. It’s the only way to make it stop long enough to bear to be touched, even by myself.”

“Is that why you...” Alana stopped; looking like she wished she could draw her words back in before she swallowed and stood by them. “Is that why you don’t orgasm?”

“It’s not that I don’t want to,” Margot said quickly, trying to stand, finding it easier to drag Alana back down with her. “It’s not that you don’t make me feel amazing, you do. I just can’t shake him enough to let go. Every time I get close, he’s right there, laughing at me because he used to make me do it.”

This time, Margot saw Alana win the battle with her tongue, holding back whatever professional curiosity she had. 

“I thought if I took the edge off a bit, combined with the fact that I really like you, I might be able to make it work...” Margot cleared her throat, correcting herself. “Make myself work.”

Alana shook her head, getting that look of sadness, of pity that seemed to come to women before they broke up with her, like they felt guilty for returning damaged goods. She steeled herself for it; thankful for the detachment the Ketamine gave her otherwise she’d already be on her knees, begging Alana to stay.

But it didn’t come. Instead Alana put the bottle down on the bedside table and made herself comfortable on the bed. “Stop taking that crap, it’s meant for a beast four times your size. I’ll get you something proper.”

“You’ll... what?” Margot said, confusion clouding her brain more than the drugs.

“I know a guy in trail pharmaceuticals that doesn’t ask too many questions,” Alana elaborated, glancing over at her before beckoning her down into her arms. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Do you really want to hear it?” Margot asked with a disbelieving huff as she curled herself around Alana, very aware of the creases she was causing in her perfectly pressed pants suit. 

“That’s not what I asked,” Alana said, not giving an inch, holding her gaze until Margot had to look away, settling her head down on Alana’s lap, telling her everything she’d left out of her therapy sessions.

-x-

Margot leaned down, snorting the white powder from the back of Alana’s hand, doing her best not to sniff too much, she didn’t want to look like completely green. She’d done coke once before at a party but it was low quality cheap shit and she’d ended up in the street shouting conspiracy theories about the government and her family. She knew it hadn’t worked because half of them were true and it was just sad really.

But this wasn’t street coke and she wasn’t fifteen anymore. She wasn’t with a bunch of drunken fuckwits that only pretended to like her for her money. This was something new, something she’d barely heard of and she was with Alana, who right now was the only person in the world she trusted. She pulled her into a kiss, her heart starting to race in her chest.

_It’s called aMT; alpha-Methyltryptamine, it’s not like the drugs you’re taking..._

Margot smiled against Alana’s lips, knowing the rush she felt was more from the kiss than anything else but she couldn’t help but feel lighter already, brighter.

_It’s not going to numb you; it’s going to make you feel things... differently. It might take a few hours to kick in properly but we have all night..._

Margot pulled back, lying down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling, wondering why ceilings were always white.

_Only take a little; it’s stronger than it looks... I’ll show you..._

“Alana?” Margot asked, reaching for her, suddenly very aware of the distance between them, the hours stretching out since they talked. “I don’t know if I like this.”

“Shh,” Alana said soothingly, stroking back her hair. “It hasn’t even been five minutes, look...”

Margot turned her head towards the clock and squinted, trying to make sense of the numbers. Alana was right, somehow. “Oh.”

“You’re used to the disconnect,” Alana explained, stroking soothingly over her skin. “And you’re used to it coming on quick. You’re trying to rush it into working. It happens all the time but try not to think about it. Talk to me instead.”

Margot smiled sideways, holding Alana’s hand like an anchor as she talked to her about everything and nothing, words flowing easier off her tongue than they would normally. When she looked at the clock again, three hours had passed and she hadn’t moved. It had felt like nothing at all, her body warm and lethargic, melting happily into the mattress. She might never get up again, it held her so.

Biting her lip, amazed at how sharply she felt her own teeth, expecting nothing at all, she turned away from Alana, her voice stretching out like all three of those hours were claiming their value back. She itched to move, restlessness roaring through her like a lion. “We should fuck.”

Alana groaned, immovable, like she’d been woken up before her alarm, before she was quite ready. 

“Come on, baby,” Margot whispered enticingly, rolling over onto her belly, teasing Alana’s skin, watching colors play over it like a lightshow, her skin so white, it was like warm milk, waiting to be drank down. Margot gulped, swallowing the thought heavily. “I’ll make you feel good, I promise.”

Alana nodded, head rolling to one side, chin resting on her shoulder as she watched Margot slip down her body like a snake, slithering down over her skin, warm and dry but still intense enough to illicit a shiver.

Kneeling at the base of the bed, Margot unzipped Alana’s pants, her hands stroking over the tight, professional material, finding it startlingly thin, frail, like a spider’s web. She pulled it away from Alana’s skin with delicate fingers, careful not to destroy it. Setting them aside for later, she nuzzled against Alana’s panties, inhaling her scent on the soft material. It seemed stronger somehow, like there was nothing else in the dry air and Margot licked her lips, swallowing again, running the tip of her tongue along the roof of her mouth, very aware of both in a way she’d never thought of before.

“I want to taste you,” Margot said aloud, spiraling away from her own train of thoughts, veering towards what her body wanted. She pulled down Alana’s panties, throwing them away, uncaring for them. Alana moaned in agreement, slowly drawing her legs up, spreading her thighs, bearing herself for Margot’s eyes. 

It was nothing Margot hadn’t seen before. She’d fucked a lot of women and she loved to eat pussy, it was the very first act she’d performed with Alana, ducking under her desk so they didn’t get caught but now she stroked lovingly over her cunt, taking in all the intricate details she’d never noticed before. The tiny patch of razor burn from where she’d shaved earlier, the tiny thin hairs leading up to her navel and down over her thighs, barely visible to the naked eye until the light shone on them, silver and soft, giving Alana little goose bumps all over her skin. She slipped her fingers between the lips of Alana’s cunt, her inner labia pinker, wetter, flushed with blood as Margot teased, her fascination making her touch infuriatingly slowly and gently. She stroked over the purple veins, hidden just beneath the skin, her fingertips dipping between each fold, tracing over the tiny ridges on the hood of her clit, pulling it up to see the ones inside, smiling happily at the little pink exposed nub. “Hello, little guy.”

“Margot... stop talking to it and do something with it, please!” Alana begged, the grogginess starting to leave her as she propped herself up on her elbows.

Margot laughed, burying her face in Alana’s cunt, still humming happily as she licked her open, her tongue dancing over all the places she’d touched before, the taste of her stronger and more intense than she could ever remember. “Fuck, Alana, you taste so good.”

Gripping her hips tighter, Margot moved with Alana, chasing the taste of her, groaning at how delicious she was, better than any woman she’d ever tasted and desperate to get more. She nipped at the soft flesh, sucking on her clit, licking relentlessly over it, pushing back every other need she had, even the need to breathe as she brought Alana to a shimmering, shaking mess underneath her, moaning triumphantly as Alana came over her tongue, licking up every drop she had to give, reluctant to pull back and give up heaven even when Alana pushed her away.

Falling back on the bed, Margot licked every last trace of her from her lips and stared up at the ceiling, her breathing heavy and her clothes sticking to her skin, heat washing over her like the room was on fire. “Help me get this off?”

From nowhere, Alana’s hands pulled at the ties on her shirt, at the zipper on her pants and within seconds, she was laid bare against the sheets, rubbing her hot skin into the cool fabric as Alana’s lips pressed burning kisses to her chest. Shaking her head and keening, Margot pulled her back up, finding her lips with her fingers before kissing her, still hungry, still needing to taste her, her lips red and purple and constantly moving away from her.

“Come here,” Margot said adamantly, not used to lovers slipping through her fingers as easily as love often did. “I want to kiss you.”

“I’m right here,” Alana’s voice came, slow and far away even though she could feel her against her cheek, nuzzling into her neck, fingers playing over her belly and her thighs, in so many places at once. 

Blindly grabbing one of her hands as it trailed too fleetingly over her skin, Margot brought it up to her lips, stroking over the bones, counting every cell of her skin, every line and vein before she took her fingers into her mouth, sucking them hard, her teeth worrying each joint in turn as she swallowed them deeper. She closed her eyes, basking in the taste of Alana’s skin like she never had before, tasting the salt and the remnants of the powder. Wrapping her legs tight around Alana’s waist, she keened needily, desperately wanton all of a sudden, her cunt aching to be filled. “Fuck me. Please, Alana.”

She moaned as Alana pulled back, dragging her fingers agonizingly slowly down her body before she pushed inside her, making her gasp at the speed and the smoothness that her body took them with. The colors danced over Alana’s skin as Margot clawed at her back, raking her nails over the bones , careless of flesh and blood and skin as she rocked her hips, helplessly fucking herself on Alana’s fingers, watching her pleasure painted in bright orange and yellow, exploding like fireworks every time she blinked. When she closed her eyes, unable to take it anymore, it grew brighter in the darkness, flames raging on behind her closed eyelids, dancing faster as she got closer and closer. The colors grew restless inside her, bursting out of her head in a pained cry as she reached the peak of her pleasure, her heart feeling for a second like it had stopped completely, no sound, no light, no colors, nothing, endless nothing before it all came rushing back again.

“Fuck, fuck,” Margot chanted, completely out of control, coming for the first time with someone else to hold her tight and soothe her through it, keep her orgasm washing over her as she clenched around her fingers, whimpering at the sheer force of it, the inescapable vulnerability as she was powerless to fight it. “I can’t, I can’t...”

Alana stroked over her cheek, kissing behind her ear, shushing her gently without relenting an inch. “Yes, you can baby, you’re doing so good.”

Margot keened again, pitiful to her own ears as she groped blindly at the sheets for something to hold onto, squeezing tight when Alana found her hand. Margot turned her head away, closing her eyes as she finally allowed herself to let go, the pleasure overtaking her for such a startlingly brief moment before it quietened again, leaving her as slow and sleepy as she had been before, the colors blue and green and gray.

“How long?” Margot asked, her voice dry and cracking. “How long until it wears off?”

Alana looked at her, swimming in the blue sea of her ceiling, eyes wide, dilated, dark. “A few more hours, four perhaps? But we don’t have to stay in bed, if you don’t like it.”

“No, I want to,” Margot swallowed, confusion clouding her voice as the realization came to her, even as the words were leaving her lips. “I want more.”

She pressed her face against Alana’s, rolling them over, grinding against her, pushing and pulling against her body, endlessly kissing her until she lost track of where Alana began and where she ended. A single moment dragged for hours as she lost herself in Alana’s kisses, fingers running through her hair, bruises forming under the skin she gripped so tightly, accidentally rubbing against her just right, her cunt pressing against Alana’s until they were the mirror image of each other, limbs moving like shards of light over stained glass, twisting around each other as they both fought to come, to get just that little bit closer to each other. Alana’s breath caught in her mouth, Margot panting enough for the both of them as Alana shook in her arms, her leg curling tight around Margot’s hip, her fingernails scoring her back without barely touching her as she came, a moth caught in amber, dark but glowing warmly. 

“You’re so beautiful,” Margot said softly, losing her focus, her movements languid, a warm pink hue fading away as she smiled, the drugs freeing her mind from her insecurities and her inhibitions, allowing her to just focus on Alana and what they had in that moment. “I love you.”

Alana laughed, shaking her head, her breath labored but light. “I love you too.”

Untangling herself, Margot curled around her, resting her head on her chest again, feeling saner than any shrink had ever made her feel before, a shining bright white.

“Do you want to come again?” Alana asked, her voice barely above a whisper, a wisp of white smoke in Margot’s consciousness.

She felt Alana’s fingers hesitantly brush over her cunt, questioningly stroking her clit but it was too much, she was too sensitive with the familiar dull ache setting in where she’d nearly come and then lost it again. Margot shook her head, shrinking away, curling tighter around her. “Not tonight. In the morning, just so I know...”

Alana smiled, knowing the end of that thought, knowing all her thoughts. As she drifted off to sleep, Margot could have sworn she heard the colors singing. Or perhaps it was her.

-x-

Fourteen hours later, Margot opened her eyes, staring at her alarm clock, expecting the come down to hit her like a semi but aside from a dry mouth and an increasingly itchy nose, all she felt was tired. She closed her eyes again, assuming she was alone, even though she remembered the night before with perfect clarity. It was well after six in the evening. Alana had a job to go to. A job she’d put on the line to help her.

But almost like the mere thought had summoned her, Alana wrapped her arm around her waist, snuggling into her back. “I thought you’d sleep the night away.”

Laughing, Margot shook her head. “With you taking all the covers, I don’t think so.”

Alana smiled into her skin, stroking back her hair so she could see her face. “You’re ok?”

Margot bit her lip, trying to factor in all the things she’d felt last night. She knew most of them had been side effects of the drugs, her heightened senses, the boundless euphoria, the hallucinations, the shallow pleasures but under that, she’d felt different in herself. She’d felt a connection and rather than willfully disengaging and trying to feel nothing at all, she’d embraced it. Sure, she doubted one stoned night had magically cured her of all her neurosis but she’d not felt Mason once since. She’d not heard his creeping, slithery voice. Even thinking about him now, her skin didn’t crawl, she just leaned back into Alana’s touch, feeling her instead, listening to her voice. “I’m ok.”

Remembering her promise from last night, she took Alana’s hand, kissing her fingertips before laying them innocently enough on her skin, her eyes speaking her intentions as loudly as her words. “Make me come, baby.”

Rolling over, she nuzzled into her neck and cheek as Alana slowly trailed her hand down, teasing her nipples and tickling her belly before gently cupping her cunt, stroking slowly over her lips, letting her get used to the touch. Before Margot would have rushed her on, impatient to get her little charade out of the way but not today. Instead, she snuggled back into Alana’s body, savoring the slow warmth that pooled in her belly, the anticipation of more, stringing herself out until she really couldn’t take it anymore. “Please, Alana...”

She could feel Alana smirk into the crook of her neck, victorious in the fact she’d made Margot not only need it but _want_ it. Giving in, Alana slipped her fingers past Margot’s lips, stroking firmly over her clit, the pressure slowly building in Margot’s chest as she gasped out a ragged breath. Even without the drugs, she still felt out of control, spiraling wildly but she clutched Alana’s hip, learning from last night, knowing she could do it, knowing she was safe. Her back arched and her thighs clamped closed over Alana’s hand as she came, crying out helplessly as she bucked her hips, still trying to get more even as the pleasure tore through her with an almost unbearable intensity before it stilled inside her again, leaving her more spent than the whole night before had. But God, did it feel so good.

“What do you think then?” Alana asked, reaching over to the bedside table and retrieving the vial of aMT, balancing the glass in the dip of Margot’s waist. “Should I write you a repeat prescription?”

Margot grinned, biting her lip as she nodded. Satisfied that she didn’t _need_ the drugs in order to come, she saw no harm in enhancing their pleasure. “You should probably stock up, Doctor Bloom.”

Alana smiled, nodding back before sitting up and opening Margot’s bedside drawer, dropping the vial in there. “No more stealing from your horses, ok?”

“I promise,” Margot agreed, resting her head back on the pillow, awake but content to lie there, watching Alana get dressed. “Will you come back?”

“I’m going to get a glass of water, sweetheart,” Alana reassured her, leaning down to kiss her cheek. “If I don’t come back, I’ve got lost in your horrendously oversized kitchen.”

“Come on, I’ll show you.” Margot took her hand, smiling to herself as she walked Alana proudly past Mason’s room.

**Author's Note:**

> As of 01/01/18, I'm opting to disable comments. [More information here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13077201).


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